Garlic and Robots

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I have a common and easily identifiable disorder known as Anal Retentive Disorder. It’s almost as common as a runny nose but harder to cure. How do you diagnose it, you ask?

Does organizing your child’s toys by type/category provide you satisfaction like no other? Does an unruly spice cabinet make you queasy? Do you arrange your perfumes/colognes on your dresser by height? Do you feel the need to organize and plan every detail of life? Then you have Anal Retentive Disorder. Continue reading

Baby Owl

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What to do if your child does not sleep?

1) If you haven’t already done so, take up drinking.

No, no, don’t do that. The morning hangover cannot be more pleasant when it’s middle of the night hangover. Or several times a night hangover.

2) Take sleeping pills. Or give some to your kid.

No, no, don’t do that either. That shit is addictive. Continue reading

Jury Duty

 

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For the longest time, the biggest obstacle to my writing has been the fact that I felt like I had no story to tell. I had nothing to say that anyone would want to hear. Or nothing important enough to say that wasn’t being already said by the trolls of the blogosphere and twitter-verse.

I have no rags-to-riches sagas. Never met a rich, ridiculously handsome dude who would teach me all the different shades of grey. No Adele-level breakups. No domestic-goddessy skills, no wizardry with a flat iron, no magic with makeup. I don’t even have a cat to turn into an internet sensation. Never overcame a soul-crushing obstacle in life. And to top that off, I chose to become an accountant. 

Continue reading